Okay, you all know I'm joking. But this post is directed toward the three or four readers of my blog. Especially those who got a next-gen console for Christmas.
XBOX 360
Are you a 360 gamer who needs a serious update to your library? Try these.
Kids/Family
If you are under the age of 10, this is the game for you. The sequel to the bestselling Halo is the kiddie game of the day..... just kidding! My battle rifle's scope is centered on Lego Star Wars 2: The Original Trilogy. This game has very simple (almost too simple?) gameplay, perfect for the amateur gamer. It also has a laugh-your-butt-off comedic take on the classic Star Wars films. Watching a Lego Stormtrooper fall to pieces is oh so satisfying, almost like when you blow your enemies to bloody smithereens in Halo 2. The game presents itself phenomenally well. It makes it easy for co-operative play, enabling a second player to drop in or out at any time. But beware, as unless you are 8 years old, you will be unbelievably bored with this game in no time. So good luck, because you wont need it. 8 out of 10
Hardcore
Okay, maybe the average Halo junkie wont exactly like Lego Star Wars. Don't fret! Gears of War is perfect for any hardcore shooter guy. Gears of War may very well be the biggest title to hit the 360, or even gaming itself. Innovative gameplay takes the cake with this one, and mixing third person and first person this well is a seemingly impossible feat. The graphics are better than any other (except maybe Oblivion) and the gameplay is perfectly mapped to the 360's controller, making use of all it's unique functions. Co-op either on a single system or over XBox Live is superb, and immensely fun. It's also not like Halo where you end up with two Master Chiefs. When a second player joins, the take control of a secondary but equally important character. Also, the variety of weapons and monsters is the icing on the cake. Slicing a grub in two with the chainsaw attached to your rifle is.... it's Fergalicious! But beware, as the hermit who lives on his 360 will beat this game pretty fast... 9.5 dead Berserkers out of 10.
Sports
Hate shooters? Love sports? Well, you may want to kill yourself and put you out of his misery. But if there are no energy swords nearby and Staples is out of BattleHammers, try getting a copy of Tony Hawk's Project 8. You may not like it too much if he's not a skateboarder or at least a fan of the series, but it will be a hoot for a good while. New features include Nail the Trick, Photo & Video Shoots, and Spot Challenges. Nail the Trick is a slow-motion trick mode (activated by pressing down both sticks) where the right stick controls the back foot and the left stick controls the front foot. You can use this to flip the board in any way you want and add massive points to your combos. Photo and video shoots are exactly what the name said: special challenges where you nail tricks on video or photo. Spot Challenges are great to earn a few extra rank points. All over the Project 8 world, special spots are covered with graffiti. The spots are long grinds or manuals, big air, drops, or gaps, and Natas Spin combos. All you have to do is reach the marker in a grind, manual, etc. to complete these challenges, adding a whole new dimension. One final improvement is the difficulty of the game. Its harder. Praise the lord. 8 out of 10.
PLAYSTATION 3
The new sensation that's sweeping the nation! It's the PlayStation 3! Deja Vu, huh? At least they didn't name it the Wii! Although it could have been the Pii...
Shooter
Oh snap. There are aliens everywhere, no energy swords, just our pitiful rifles that we stole from Call of Duty. We're pretty fucked. Or are we? You decide! The fate of the world rests in your hands. At first, you may mistake this game for Medal or Honor. But it doesn't focus on WW2... no, this is Resistance: Fall of Man, and it has an alien skull on the cover. Or is it Hitlers? Anyway, R:FoM is by far the best game on the new PS3 console, delivering it's promised intense single- and multi-player gaming, topping it off with outstanding graphics. A big factor is how well the atmosphere ties in with the storyline. There is plenty of spooky-ness and exploration of dark places. The magic is the frame rate stays at 30 throughout the entire game- no matter how many enemies are on-screen at one time. The well-thought controls are a nice feature too. But the real stars are the weapons and monsters. Much like in the Ratchet and Clank series, developer Insomniac shows that it knows how to put together creative tools of destruction. And monsters more innovative than O.J. Simpson's lawyer make the game challenging and fun. Some monsters are so smart they will move around to find cover, perform strategic moves, and team up with other enemies to annihilate you. And the multiplayer is incredible, with everything from small maps and 1-on-1 deathmatches to massive lands and 40-on-40 CTF games. Yet, every game has its flaws. Resistance: Fall of Man has 2: there is simply too much walking without shooting, and the single-player vehicles are so powerful that they dominate your hard enemies, making the game too easy at times. 9.5 dead Chimera out of 10 (the .5 has Gangrene).
Racing
Okay, so the racing fan wont be very excited of R:FoM. Actually, I bet anybody would love it, but you need Ridge Racer 7. This game is fun beyond belief, with an easily enjoyable yet somewhat unrealistic racing experience. It focuses more on high-speed maneuvering than utter destruction (as in Burnout Revenge). But the game is built around drifting, the intense racing straight from the streets of Japan. The first few tracks only have a few drifting turns, but as the game progresses, it's either learn to drift and drift well, or you're pretty fucked. Yet there is immense pleasure in throwing your car sideways at 200 mph and skidding past the poor saps who actually slowed down. Burnout fans may not like this much with the complete exclusion of any destruction whatsoever. Your ride always looks polished and perfect, but that can be a good or bad thing. On that note, the graphics are okay, yet the are not too impressive. The biggest addition is customization, a previously absent feature in the Ridge Racer series. It's much like other customization engines, but performance parts have a wider-scale effect on your racing. 8.5 out of 10.
Action/RPG
A huge comic book fan? Try picking up Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. While this game is on multiple systems, the PS3 version is by far the best. If you've played the X-Men Legends series before, this game will look very familiar. The great thing about this game is that beneath all the punching and kicking there is some truly great storytelling. Writer C.B. Cebulski did a phenomenal job juggling between over 140 different Marvel heroes and villains, while the game design has a perfect balance of on-screen text and full cut scenes. Of course, every RPG has to have decent character upgrades and, although the system in Ultimate Alliance is simple, being able to automatically or manually upgrade skills and powers make this game fun for everyone. But, somehow most of the powers are completely useless. Also, a good bunch of game characters are real duds (*cough*cough*Elektra!*cough*) and a lot of high-profile characters like the Hulk didn't get included. But after starting play, you soon realize how much fun beating up baddies can be. But the graphics seem to be a little worse than the 360 version, against Sony's claim of having significantly better graphics on the PS3. 7 out of 10 (quite frankly, it's the best RPG for the PS3. Genji doesn't stand a chance).
Wii
Nintendo has proven once more that it can deliver the goods without wrapping them in polished graphics. It has used innovative gameplay, new, revolutionary ideas, and, of course, cute and cuddly characters.
Shooter
But our next game isn't all that cute and cuddly. Unless you think bleeding Nazis is an adorable sight. Emo. Anyway, our next game is Call of Duty 3, the sequel to game of the year Call of Duty 2 (as you may have noticed). This game is basically CoD2 with updated graphics and a new shooting system with the WiiMote. It's got the basics: nice gameplay, great graphics, and easy controls. Point, click, and watch an MP44 do what it was made to do. And who could forget the hours you spent playing Call of Duty 2 online? Althoungh it is much like its predecessor (think about it: is this really a bad thing?), this game gets a 8 out of 10.
Adventure/RPG
Nintendo is famous for it's epic RPGs. And the Wii is no different. The much-anticipated Zelda: Twilight Princess is here, and Link is back with a vengeance. Pretty much anything i say about the story will be a huge spoiler, so I'll shut my mouth. The gameplay kicks ass. Swinging the WiiMote like a crack-addicted maniac is good, clean fun, and a nice variety of items provides a nice variety of motions, from boomerangs to fishing rods. The graphics are an improvement from previous Zelda titles (yay! no more cel-shading!) and man, does it look great! The world and it's creatures are incredibly diverse, taking things from games like the Wind Waker, Ocarina of Time, and even a few guys from the original Legend of Zelda. Travel from the plains of Hyrule to the dungeons of Ganon's Tower. Kill anything from a chicken to Gohma (those who have played previous Zelda games know this is the infamous first boss of Ocarina of Time, Wind Waker, and more). And have some good fun with it. But don't be decieved, it will take a while to get used to it and the sounds that come out of the WiiMote are just a bit cheesy... 9.5 out of 10.
Action
Take your copies of Half-Life and Pikmin, stick them in a blender, and what do you get? Elebits. Elebits is by far the best example of the WiiMote's pontential, utilizing all it's strenghs. The game starts off on the wrong foot with a poorly presented storyline and some pretty shitty voiceovers. But you find yourself armed with a gravity gun, and thats all you need to know. The game also has an innovative control scheme. Strafing occurs with the ever-amusing nunchuk attachment, and the C and Z buttons (the bumper buttons on the nunchuk) look up and down. The system feels very natural and it is incredibly easy to get used to. Diversity is important to, but it is somewhat of a subtle factor. The game's design encourages the user to zap different kinds of Elebits to power up the gravity gun, and the more power you get, the bigger things you can lift. You can eventually get enough power to lift a truck or even a building - and thats when the real fun begins. 8.5 out of 10.
Happy? Too bad. It's time for moi to get my Wii on. Errr, to fire up the Wii. Umm.... to get Wii'ing? Whatever.
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